Transitions
This is a post I had hoped I would not have to write. I’ve been avoiding it, out of fear that writing this out, will make it real. (And yes, this post is entirely personal and has nothing to do with game development or writing… but it explains my silence here.)
After eight months of separation my wife and I are divorcing.
I can’t explain how writing those words makes me feel. She’s been my best friend for sixteen years and I still wake up in the middle of night wanting to talk to her. And I know I can’t.
On the positive side, this has been a year of personal growth for me, confronting and managing my anxiety and depression. I’ve traveled extensively, spent several weeks in Orlando (which is truly a magical place), worked up the courage to attend support meetings with other men, each suffering their own unique brand of anguish. I’ve spent long nights driving through sleeping cities and thinking, I’ve reconnected with family and friends I have neglected for too long. And I’ve had some truly memorable experiences with my sons, bonding and growing with them.
Most important I’ve done some serious soul searching in regards to what I want to do. More on this later.
A huge thanks to the friends (both old and new), family, and past/present/future coworkers who have been so supportive. I’ve leaned on you all, heavily, and though I hope you never suffer such that you need my support, if you do, I’m here.
Brent Knowles
Former lead designer at BioWare (Dragon Age: Origins, Neverwinter Nights). Creator of Raiders of the Serpent Sea.
4 Comments
Blueeyedswordmaiden
Man, That’s rough. I’m sorry.
Craig Dolphin
Well, shit.
I come from a broken home myself so I can empathize with just how shattering this can feel. I also know that as bleak as it may feel, there’s lots of good to look forward to. Don’t let any inner demons tell you otherwise. Depression is a lying jerk that deserves no respect.
I’m glad you’re getting support from your friends and family. You ever need a friend in NW WA State, give me a yell :)
Brent Knowles
Thanks
Brent Knowles
Thanks, Craig.
This was certainly not the outcome I was striving towards. Just working on accepting it and keeping busy.
I’ll have some work announcements to make in the next bit, so that’s good. And maybe one day I’ll get down to see you! Have some family in WA I should visit.
Take care,
Brent
p.s. Any advice you have on making this less rough for the kids, would be appreciated.