A beginner’s guide to life on Empire Avenue
Okay here’s some quick dos and donts in regards to Empire Avenue the online social networking site where you buy and sell shares in influencers. (And yes, influencers are people — which means that you are buying and selling pieces of people. This tends to cause some confusion.)
Hopefully the following helps newcomers avoid embarrassing or awkward situations.
Don’t Write: “Sweet… I own him now.”
Do Write: “What an astounding influencer! I am greatly pleased that I have purchased shares in such a dynamic individual.”
Comment: Most of the standard ways of discussing economic transactions when applied to Empire Avenue tend to take on unsavory connotations. Related no-nos include “Gotta get some of that” or “wanna buy her from me?” or “time to sell him, he’s not performing adequately anymore.”
Don’t Be insulted when someone buys one share of you when you join Empire Avenue.
Do Buy 25 shares in them and say ‘thank you’.
Comment Oldtimers will sometimes buy small amounts in newcomers. Consider this as a way of saying ‘howdy and welcome’. It has nothing to do with oldtimers trying to make a fast buck on newbie dividends.
Don’t Get grumpy and send dozens of messages when someone says they will buy you back and doesn’t right away.
Do Feel free to continue buying shares in the person until they get the hint.
Don’t Panic when you see phrases like “Chile exploded”
Do Check out the recent arrivals list on Empire Avenue
Comment “Chile exploded” does not refer to a culinary disaster, it simply refers to when everyone in Chile joined Empire Avenue (thanks to a CNN broadcast and Carolina Millan).
Don’t Start sending private messages to everyone on the leaderboard asking/threatening them to buy shares in you.
Do Follow and purchase shares in people you want to have follow and purchase shares in you. I think there’s an old saying that goes with this but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Anyways, cookie bribes work too for some.
Don’t Mention you are going on vacation.
Do Take your cellphone/laptop/pda/Cool Apple Portable Product with you on vacation and keep up with your social networking — or figure out a way to automate the entire process while you are away (and if you do figure that out, please let me know). If you don’t have a portable networking device, don’t go on vacation.
If you have any more please add!
– Brent “e(Writer)” Knowles